Well, I Hated It

So, for both of you who probably saw the blog when it was super stretched, you'll know that it just wasn't that great. We're back to the usual. Hatred or not, that's where it is.

On a milk note, I bought milk at Costco again this week, and the expiration date is JULY 2nd. Can you even believe it? The Magical Milk rides again and we are the happy recipients of said ride.

Stream of consciousness #3 takes me to this story from over a week ago. But it's still ridiculous, and if you're still reading you obviously want to hear it. So, here it goes:

Have you tried these Archer Farms / Target brand of Italian Sodas? Courtney and I found the Blood Orange variety back in the roommate days and would occasionally splurge and get it for Sunday Dinners. And neither of us are really soda drinkers, and I don't think I've ever even had a regular, live blood orange, but this stuff is really great.

So, I'm at Target last week and it's on sale 2 for $5. I'm in. I'll take 4, in fact. Skyler really likes it, too, and it's sweetened with fruit juice as opposed to high fructose Coke syrup. And so I buy.

Now, these glass bottles are actually kind of heavy. I didn't want to squash the already-in-the-cart items. So, like any normal Blood Orange buyer, I decided to put them in the baby seat at the front of the cart. Close enough so I could keep an eye on them, you know? The problem with the baby seat when you're shopping sans baby, is that there are holes in the front of said seat to accommodate said sans baby legs, when used for such frivolous purposes. I just needed it to hold glass bottles of soda. Which, on this particular day, was apparently too much to ask.

Picture yourself back in the produce department because you totally blanked on picking up lettuce when you were there 30 minutes earlier... before you mosied up and and down countless other aisles just walking around looking around like you had no place else to be-- because, true confession, I didn't. Are you seeing yourself there? Flowers on the south end, pre-cut produce to the north? Yeah, well just as I passed the flower region, a bottle of Blood Orange KABOOM-ED right out of the baby leg hole and on to the Target tile floor. Now, you'll recall, carbonation = super charged. So, between the height it fell from and the supercharged-ness of it all, the explosion of glass and sticky juice extended all the way up the north side of the produce area to the lettuce I was intended to pick up in the second place.

I just stood there for a minute. I mean, it sounded like I'd dropped a bomb. And, really, I had. I was basically the Unibomber of Target that day. Now picture the nicest 30-40something year old cashier named Wendy that you possibly can. Red shirt, tan pants, dark hair. Are you seeing her? Well, she came to the rescue and radioed three times for clean-up with no response while acting like a glass blockade for other customers, until she finally said, "Clean-up needed for broken glass" and then Robert was on it.

Wendy's blockade was a success and no one glassed themselves, and I stood there with Blood Orange drink puddling in my shoe and splattered all up my pants. Are you still seeing this? Luckily, I wasn't wearing short-@$$ running shorts or something. Could have been worse, right? Oh, we're getting there.

So after 2 large bags of kitty-litter-like-soaker-upper gets poured across the produce department, I squished around and tried to help pick up the HUGE pieces of scattered glass. Wendy told me that they'd take care of it and that she didn't want me to get cut, and I'm thinking, "Oh, but let's cut Nice Wendy and Reluctant Robert." Awesome.

I did finally leave them to finish it off, grabbed my lettuce, and made my way back to the Blood Orange aisle. I did want 4, after all.

I checked out, went home and loaded my bags on to a microwave cart (see picture at left but picture it with groceries and not a microwave or spoons) that helps get groceries up and down our elevator. While getting in to the elevator, one of the Blood Orange bottles leaped out on to the floor. Luckily it was on the bottom level of the cart and there were no explosions. But, I wasn't going to take any more chances and I held the bag of two bottles for the duration of the ride.

Now, 2 minus 2 means there's still 2 on the cart. I rolled out of the elevator and on to the third floor where yet another bottle of Blood Orange met with the concrete but -covered-with-a thin-carpet-layer floor. Strike three. The top blows off and sprays the floor and all over the wall of the 3rd floor. I propped up the bottle, pushed the cart over to the door and into the condo and then returned to clean up Blood Orange disaster #2 for the day.

I wish I could say I had pictures of this ridiculousness, but unfortunately, it was the one day I'd left my camera at home to charge. So, neither of these moments were caught on digital. But it was your job to picture it all, anyway.

Well, there it is. Hope you enjoyed a day in the life of Melanie at Target. I know I did.

More soon, but hopefully not to do with explosions,
Melanie